Stars - aaa/unbranded

STARS / FORECAST IN THE FOG / the horoscope of aaa/unbranded®

14 - 20 January

aaa/unbranded stars horoscope aries

ARIES / HEROIN

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Your last Google research was “How not to go crazy during January?” so the stars will not ask you how it is going because we have seen you crying solo in your car before heading to work. Cheer up because in less than you know it will be Friday!

alright

Facetiming your friend will never be the same as meeting them in person, but you got to do the best you can with the best you got, and a phone sometimes will do just as fine. Plus you are free to relax in your pijama and you don’t need to change into a fancy outfit.

adore

Love makes us do incredible things. Did you remember when you were a child and you used to feel disgust in front of couples kissing? Well, here you are waiting for your love to touch your lips. Life is strange.

aaa/unbranded stars horoscope taurus

TAURUS / AMPHETAMINE

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Did you know that some people do dry – January? Do you know what that means? It means that for a month you are off the booze. Would you accept this challenge? You may be a little too late, but it is never too late for starting something new.

alright

Every now and then it is important to take our lazy ass for a good walk. 30 minutes will be enough to restore some sanity inside that crazy mind, lately it has been a jungle: your thoughts have gone wild. Some fresh air will give you back some common sense.

adore

All you see lately are birds happily chipping, people laughing and holding hands, the sky is smiling at you and you can’t help but smile back. Love has made such a goofy person, you are lost in that person’s eyes all day long, nothing can stop your daydreaming.

aaa/unbranded stars horoscope gemini

GEMINI / MORPHINE

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Sometimes certain situations come as lightning in the clear sky: you are doing fine, you are doing everything you can to be a decent human being and then… BAM it hits you, right there in your chest, things happen and you have no clue how or why. What to do then?

alright

What do we think of long weekends? Would you like staying in bed during a cold Friday morning of January?! I mean who wouldn’t, of course you would! Now the only thing to do is to persuade your boss. The game is on.

adore

You saw that person dancing across the room and the world suddenly stopped for a couple of seconds, or maybe hours, or days… I mean who cares, you saw that body moving and you just lost it. It seems like our lone wolf has found it’s soul mate.

aaa/unbranded stars horoscope cancer

CANCER / ECSTASY

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It’s incredible how you keep learning stuff even if you are already in your 30s. Shouldn’t you be an adult right now? Shouldn’t you be the person who teaches stuff to others?! Has the world gone crazy or all this learning is actually part of the journey?

alright

Would you go living in space? Will you spend all your days floating in a spaceship? Wearing a not-so-fashion jumpsuit? And trying to manage the absence of gravity? That should be one hell of a life.

adore

“The first kiss, the first night, the first song that made you cry, the first drink, red wine, on a step in Brooklyn. I still feel the first fight, and we both made it out alive and I can’t wait to make a million more first times” suddenly you have become a romantic soul, what has happened?! Did Cupid stop by?

aaa/unbranded stars horoscope leo

LEO / COCAINE

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Don’t you get bored listening to the same songs all over again? I mean we have observed you and you constantly play the same jams, everyday for at least three hours. Let’s say that when you love a sound you love it right!

alright

“Can I talk to you on the phone?” Goddammit no, you can’t Maria! Why do people want to actually talk?! Some geniuses invented messages, the great text messages that let you not talk to people you do not want to face. Write me a text, don’t fucking calling me!

adore

Here you have the stages of break up: crying, throwing all the gifts, than there’s my favorite one “Oh I am over it now”, and somehow you manage to have sex in the car. Could you please forget the last step? You are doing so good!

aaa/unbranded stars horoscope virgo

VIRGO / CAFFEINE

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For some unknown reason every January you get so excited about all the things you are about to start in that month and the months ahead. The stars want to give you some tips for this 2022: go easily on yourself and on your schedule and definitely drink more. 

alright

You know you can’t actually start a new recipe every time you get sad? Oh come on, it’s not for the weight, you are fabulous. You seriously need to find another way of curing sadness, go for a walk, or go dancing, but stop being such a dramatic cook.

adore

You can’t hurry love. You just can’t. You can’t program all your life so how do you expect to program one of the most extraordinary things the stars have created?! No, I am not talking about sex, you idiot. I am referring to the kind of romance that never goes out of style.

aaa/unbranded stars horoscope libra

LIBRA / METAMPHETAMINE

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Tees check, flip flops check, sunscreen check, sunglasses check, hat check. Are you leaving? Already?! You haven’t even got back to work yet and you are already preparing your suitcase for the beach?! For Christ’s sake would you please behave like an adult?

alright

Your most listened playlist for 2021 was “Music to calm stress”, isn’t it time to go over that and find some music that will make your hips and ass dance like never before? The stars can assure that some moves will calm you down as instrumental music can do.

adore

A lot of stars from the industry have the so-called “revenge dress”, that kind of dress or look you present to a night out that will make your ex go nuts for leaving you. Babe, you do not need a revenge dress, being you will make your ex go crazy enough. Just try and see.

aaa/unbranded stars horoscope scorpio

SCORPIO / NICOTINE

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The only thing that will make you happy tonight is 5 words, italian made, and hot as hell. No, it’s not Mario or Lucia. The correct answer was pizza but thanks anyway for trying. You definitely need some sex.

alright

How is it possible that a year has just gone by? Today is only January and after what feels like 3 years will be February, and then spring will come by and all of a sudden it’s summer again. Time really does fly.

adore

What will you do for love? No, I am not talking about those crushes you get on the train back home that actually feel like crashes, I am referring to those incredible loves, the ones that make you smile just by thinking about them.

aaa/unbranded stars horoscope sagittarius

SAGITTARIUS / DOB

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If you had a time machine at what time of your life would you go back to? And why? That’s a great question, the stars know it, but we think it’s interesting to look inside of us sometimes. You have been neglecting that for quite some time now.

alright

Friendship is like a long love relationship, it’s the kind that never fades. It’s incredible how we manage to change who we love throughout the years but we never think about changing our friends. Maybe it’s because you have the one ever.

adore

“There’s a couple billion people in the world and a million other places we could be, but you’re here with me. Take a moment just to take it in ’cause every high and every low led to this. I’m just so glad you exist”. There is definitely something in the air because we have never seen you so in love. Have you smashed your head? Did you fall somewhere?

aaa/unbranded stars horoscope capricorn

CAPRICORN / TETRAHYDROCANNABINOL

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Looking at the spots of coffee in the cup is a strange way to predict your future. Didn’t you know that only stars know it all? Going to a fortune teller won’t be a bad idea but you will never be able to know if she’s telling the truth.

alright

“Silence”, a week of silence is all you need. No loud laughter, no music, no people screaming, no children crying. To get back to yourself you would need a week of isolation on the top of a mountain. Just you, the clouds and your thoughts hunting you.

adore

“We just dance backwards into each other trying to keep our feelings secretly covered. You touched me and it’s almost like we knew that there would be history” we love some gossip on forbidden loves, don’t we? Do you think a fling would be a good idea?

aaa/unbranded stars horoscope aquarius

AQUARIUS / LSD

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There is only one mission for this week: getting through it. It may seem easy but you will fastly understand that it’s not as easy and fun as it seems. Some weeks are harder than others and in these kinda weeks you will need more sleep and more whiskey.

alright

Finding new hobbies is a great way to let your mind travel to new places and exotic destinations. You like to change your hobby at least twice a month, and it’s not because you are inconsistent, it’s only because you are full of interest.

adore

Love is full of crap, isn’t it? All these great romantic stories you get to hear by your friends seem to you like massive bullshit. Has the world gone bad or did you suddenly become cynical?

aaa/unbranded stars horoscope pisces

PISCES / MODAFINIL

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We get that you are all about being independent, being able to do your own thing but sometimes getting help is actually not the worst idea. I mean… look at the state of your wardrobe, was it necessary? Couldn’t you ask a professional? Everything is upside down.

alright

Oh God, how much do you miss going out dancing! Letting your body follow the rhythm of the music is such a pleasure for your mind. Being in a room full of people makes you feel alive and staying out late to catch the sunset is one of the best experiences ever.

adore

What about your first love? The kind that you only feel when you are sixteen years old, the kind that gets you sneaking out late at night, or that makes you get into horrible fights for stupid stuff. Where has that love gone?

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